Scarcity mindset especially around money – Emotional Weight Series

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another post! I’m going to be talking about how I am always stuck in scarcity mindset especially about money. I was supposed to talk about this last week but I had a lot of fear coming up around money and it started to take over my body. I was recognizing my hunger and everything. I talked about that last week that I was really going to think about what’s going on and there are a couple things that I have learned so I wanted to share them. Scarcity mindset, if you don’t know what it is, it’s when you are afraid that you’re not going to have enough of something. When you’re feeling abundant you are able to believe that you’re always going to have everything that you need. You believe that you’ll never be lacking of what you need.

The reason why I I have been scared is because I have never been the one to take care of myself financially. My husband has always been the one that has been working and making money. I have been a stay-at-home Mom. I think because of the warning that my dad gave me before I got married, (that we would always struggle financially)… I was always scared that was going to happen. What I have learned is that if you were have a scarcity mindset or an abundance mindset it usually comes from your upbringing. My dad always took care of us and I never felt like we were lacking anything. I felt like I had everything that I needed. I did feel like my dad didn’t want to spend money. I was thinking that maybe my dishonesty around money had to do with the fact that I didn’t want to have to ask for something?

One thing that I realized is that I don’t remember ever asking my dad to buy me anything when I was young. I will have to talk to him and see if he remembers me asking him for things… but I do remember asking my Mom for things. I had this idea that I needed to be the perfect child that never caused problems…. so maybe I could sense that my dad didn’t like spending money and so I didn’t want to ask him for things. That way I would continue having him look at me like I was an easy child or a good child? That’s a possibility. Then when I got married I put that burden on to my husband. That’s all I ever knew was pleasing my Dad to get the love and attention I needed. Then it went from pleasing my dad, to pleasing my husband. I really did go from having my Dad taking care of me to thinking that my husband would take care of me in the same way that my Dad did.

One of the fears that I have around money is that I’ve been living in my Dad’s second home and he’s been providing this home for us for a while now because we have struggled so much. When I first moved into this house, it was going to be temporary situation. Just until we can get back on her feet. It was supposed to be no more than a year and it’s turned out to be 15 years!!! Ugh… I feel that pain just thinking about that. There’s been a lot of shame around being in my parents home. Especially for Jason. My dad provided us this home and sometimes we weren’t able to pay and he didn’t charge as much as he could charge because he wanted us to be able to afford it. It’s caused a lot of guilt and shame around it. Especially with the way that I’ve dealt with money. We would pay things that we absolutely had to pay and we knew that my Dad would be okay if we were struggling. He’s always helps us in those ways but it didn’t make me feel good about myself and also didn’t make my husband feel good about himself knowing that we’re living in my dad’s house.

A couple episodes ago I talked about how I feel guilty cuz I’m not making money. The fact that I feel like I need to make money is really messing with my head and I got some coaching about it today. I wanted to share what I am going to be working on as far as my mindset and the way that I need to think about money. Ever since I had that conversation with my Dad about him sitting us down and putting that budget out and saying we couldn’t afford to get married…. I think I have been on a mission to prove him wrong. I have always looked at my Dad as the smartest guy in the world. He was always right and I always would listen and obey him. This was the one time that I didn’t listen and I didn’t take his advice. I married Jason anyways and I knew that it was something that I was supposed to do so I’ve taken this time trying to prove that my Dad was wrong and that I was right. Money is a big part of that.

I have some guilt around money because my husband has been working so hard being the only one who is providing money for our family. He’s constantly feeling like he is coming up short. He is always working but never making enough. When we shut down the business and my husband started driving the truck… I knew that he wouldn’t like it. He is not one that’s going to want to be away from home. He wants to be home with his family. He took the job anyways because he knew that he needed to take care of us. Hindsight we know that this job has been a blessing but when he went off to work … he was struggling because he had to leave us. Because there was a burden lifted off me… I knew that he had a stable job. I knew we’d be getting paid every week. I knew that we could pay the bills and I felt guilt because I got happier as he went off to work and he started to struggle more. So I put this pressure on me to figure out how to make some money. I HAVE to make some money so that I can take care of him. He took care of me the last 25 years and now it’s my turn right? I need to take care of him!!! My mentor jumped in and said, “so now you’re here trying to rescue your husband again!” I realized that me saying that to him is a reminder to him that I don’t think he’s capable of doing what he needs to do. I’m learning about this and I am being more aware of it. I’m trying to be better at not jumping in to rescue him because he is MORE than capable of doing amazing things! Anyone who knows him know this is true!

When my motivation is money… it changes. If I’m able to listen to God and His promptings to me then I will know when it’s time to make the next move. I know that I am doing this podcast for me. I know that I’m doing the right thing by uncovering all of these things so that I can really align with truth and hopefully Inspire other people who are struggling with their weight to align with truth too. When I try to get over excited about the possibilities of making money in these opportunities it changes from being inspired… to feeling scared and feeling pressured. So there is a mind shift that I need to make with the way that I’m thinking about money.

I am uncovering the shadows, the darkness and all the things that I don’t want people to see. Honestly things that I didn’t want to see or look at it either. I can honestly tell you that I couldn’t see it and until I was forced into this dark place and I was compelled to continue to search for answers. I finally saw that I wasn’t looking at myself in truth and I finally saw all of the years of me trying to avoid the truth and having a scarcity mindset is all about the way you’re thinking. All this work that I’m doing is bringing me to that awareness of what my thoughts are. I have to ask myself if these thoughts really serving me. One thing that I do know is that I am supposed to do this podcast, share my dark sides and to figure out why I’m eating. To figure out what my body is protecting me from. To bring all of that Darkness inside of me to the light.

I have a feeling that I will know when it’s right to move onto the next step… just like when I started this podcast I was supposed to start at back in February but I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have enough information yet. Then once I had the information…bam… I knew that I needed to share and I didn’t hesitate to start it. One other thing that Angel helped me become aware about my dishonesty is that… the fact that I didn’t want to look at myself was telling me that I was living in shame and I was living in low self-worth. I wasn’t willing to look at it for a long time because my reputation had become like my Fortress. So as long as people saw me as this certain person then that was my Fortress! The fortress was my protection! When I was not around other people and I was alone…. then I could be left with myself and would do whatever I wanted to. Then I would go to shame and I would feel bad. Then I would go to seek for praise, love and attention from other people. BUT at the core level I would sabotage myself because the shame was there. I just wasn’t willing to look at it. I thought that was really interesting to think about.

I am hoping what I am sharing will spark conversations with people who are heavy. Or for anyone who is struggling with addiction. I hope they will also ask themselves the difficult questions like

“Where am I being dishonest with myself?”

“Where am I not being true to who I am?”

“What am I hiding inside of me that I don’t want people to see?”

I believe that this fat on our bodies represent that protection. Our body is just protecting us and it thinks it’s doing the right thing by protecting us. I know that I need to be aware of my thinking. I need to write it down. I need to honor and listen to my thoughts. I want to listen to all those worries that I have. They are clues and I can dig deep into each of those thoughts and ask myself, “Is this true?” and “What else is there for me to learn?”

In conclusion to this blog today… I am going to be continuously working on my mindset around money. I don’t want money to be the definition of my worth. I want to realize that everything that I’ve ever needed has been here. I have always had what I need. When I am focusing mostly on making money then it kills the creative energy inside of me. Another question I can ask myself is “What is the meaning of money to me?” and “What am I afraid of if I don’t have money?”

The last thing that I learned is that there’s only one reason why we don’t have the life that we want. OUR THOUGHTS! Be aware of your thoughts because our thoughts create our beliefs… and our beliefs create our actions… and our actions create our results! So doing all this work and starting to notice what I’m thinking about has been so amazing. I’m really grateful for the fact that I could feel the negative vibration around money. I could feel it. I can feel and I can sense my hunger. I’m really grateful for that. The fact that I recognized that means that I’m progressing! I know that I’m continually going to have things throughout my life and I’m going to have to dig up and look at, process and let go! We all need to remember that our path is not a straight line. We’re going to go up and we’re going to go down and I think the important part is being able to love ourselves through all those down moments. We need to have compassion for ourselves and as my mentor Angel would say, “Can I love myself through this moment ?” We need to continue to have compassion for the mistakes that we make because you WILL make mistakes. We all will. There is nobody on the earth that is not going to make mistakes. I am so grateful for all i am learning. I know I always say that but I just I am grateful. I’m learning a lot and I hope that you are too. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.