Letting go of unrealistic expectations- Emotional Weight Series

We are on episode 12 and this is the very last part of the emotional weight series. For any new listeners… When I started my podcast I knew there were emotional issues I needed to dig into…. about myself.  So I decided to make a list of the things that I didn’t feel good about in my life.  The whole purpose of starting this podcast was to learn how to release the emotional weight…. And what better way to do that then to dive into all the ways I am unhappy or desired change in my life right?  So that list of ten things turned into the “EMOTIONAL WEIGHT SERIES”  I was so surprised about how much I really learned about myself.  You should try it! Now we are on the last episode of the series.  This episode is all about letting go of expectations of what I “THOUGHT” my life would and should look like.

It is perfect that I am talking about expectations this week …. last week (which was Thanksgiving), I was so busy, I was super tired and I didn’t really feel great but I committed to doing an episode EVERY SINGLE WEEK. So I sat down and tried to hurry through an episode late Thanksgiving night so I wouldn’t let myself down. As I was recording the episode about “expectations”…. I realized that I had set yet another “EXPECTATION” for myself. I could have edited that rushed podcast but instead I wanted to show myself that it is ok to change the plan if I NEED to. Sometimes we NEED a break and that is ok…… So I chose not to upload it. But not without judging myself first. I felt like I let myself down but I am working through it. This morning I had another coaching session with my Mentor Angel and she was able to help get me centered again. When I had the expectation and then didn’t follow through… I judged myself and started to have self doubt and then of course here comes the FEAR of Failure creeping my mind. It is amazing how my brain wants to offer me thoughts that cause so much pain like,

Here you go again… not following through with what you said you’d do.

What if fail and I’ve put myself out there again?

Who do you think you are Aleisha to start a podcast… what do you have to offer?

Phew…. I’m Breathing through this moment again as I am repeating this. Ok so back to the subject of EXPECTATIONS!

We all have expectations. I am learning that expectations are joy killers. My whole life I have had huge and unrealistic expectations of myself and those around me. Expectations can really hurt us, because we can’t predict what is going to happen. We can only do our best in the now. Expecting too much sets us up for disappointment.  So many people suffer in relationships because of the expectations we put on the other person and ourselves. I know this first hand.

Tony Robbins says, “We all have expectations but expectations are from the mind and the Heart knows better.” He teaches you to trade your expectation for appreciation and then you will see the world change.

The expectations that I had for my life were fully unrealistic. No wonder I was unhappy and wanting to turn to food constantly. Every single girl has a dream to marry her prince charming right? That prince is going to take care of her for the rest of her life and of course they live happily ever after. I was 18 years old when I got married. I remember being SO excited to get married. I thought it was going to be so much fun.

One of my personal experiences with expectations was I remember one night after my husband and I were just married… we had a disagreement. I remember crying to him and saying, “This is never going to work. I never thought we would be fighting!” (Keep in mind I never saw my parents argue) and here I was crying to my new husband, “How are we ever going to make this marriage work if we are fighting?” and i remember he looked at me with the most confused look and said to me, “This is NOT a fight! We are just having a disagreement!” and then I said, “Oh it isn’t?” And he said, “No! We aren’t even yelling!” haha it just shows how naïve I was. I didn’t know how to handle anything negative.

Another experience I had was that my Dad warned me before I got married that my husband would struggle going to church and so whenever he wouldn’t go to church with me…. I would build up all this resentment. I was wanting so bad to prove my Dad wrong and so a lot of my pain is coming from my expectations of what I thought life should be. All of the reasons I didn’t WANT to take RESPONSIBILITY for my life all had to do with the expectations I had for myself and the expectations I felt like my parents wanted from me.

Here is a tip I read…. if we find ourselves with expectations and it starts to bring up resentment… you can bring yourself in the present moment by taking deep breaths and start noticing your five senses. Even something simple like feeling the warm sun, smelling your favorite candle or hearing a birds outside will help you get into the present moment. Once you’re in the present moment than you’re going to be able to feel with your heart and bring appreciation to the moment instead of thinking about the expectation that you had. I am going to try this.

Remember things that are going wrong are always available to you but so are things that are going right. We get to find what we’re looking for.

I love the quote “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”

I think we all need to be more realistic. Just like this quote…. “Be realistic with your expectations…. I’d really love to cuddle a unicorn but it ain’t going to happen.” and I thought that was pretty funny especially with all of my expectations I had of always wanting to be happy. I never wanted to fail. I never wanted to make mistakes. All of these things that I had expectations for in my life…. they were not reality and all those expectations were doing for me…. was causing me more pain and unhappiness.

Another quote I read was you are Your Own Worst Enemy if you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection in yourself and in others you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.

Brooke Castillo, who is the owner of The Life Coach School… shared in a podcast episode that we all have expectations on how people should behave, how people should treat us, what people should do and what life should be like. Then when it doesn’t happen…. we feel let down.

I would really love to hear what you think about expectations. Follow me on Instagram or on Facebook and let’s have a conversation about expectations and what you think about this subject. I think there are still more things that I need to learn about expectations and I know that there will be a lot more a lot more things coming to the surface for me as I go on this journey. I’m noticing that I’m not quite as hungry. I have had a lot of fear come up and I’ve let go of a lot of that fear and then my Hunger does down but then fear comes up again and I am constantly learning about myself and how I cope. It is actually fascinating. It’s really cool to see the proof that when we are able to step into an emotion, learn to sit with it, breathe through it and let it pass us by then we will get back to our place of Center.

We have to realize that our journey is going to go up and down. We will never have a straight line experience. Even in this journey of mine…. I catch myself all the time saying things that I have learned in the past like…. I’ll never be perfect and so obviously I still have the… ” I don’t want to make a mistake”. I have to be able to sit with those moments and be able to love myself through them. And to practice accept what is and be okay with what is.

I feel like I finally have some of the answers and now and it’s just putting that into practice every day. Being Forgiving of myself being willing to learn, to push myself to grow and challenge myself to feel what I need to feel and so that’s what I’m going to be doing this week. I hope you all had an amazing Thanksgiving and that you enjoyed the time with your family. I appreciate you being here… listening and showing your continued support on this journey.