Why am I distracting myself?
I’m going to be talking about distraction because I feel like I am really distracted lately. So we’ve been talking the last couple of weeks about how I started getting in my head about the opinions of other people and then all the sudden I started having these thoughts like “what’s wrong with me?” Really judgemental thoughts about myself. And as I started to go deeper into those judgemental thoughts I have noticed how I want to be more distracted. I want to watch more TV. I want to be on social media all the time. I’ve been watching murder mystery’s. I’ve been looking into famous people in their lives just because it is interesting and I don’t want to think about my own life right now. and so this is all about distraction.
Today I had A session with my mentor Angel and I wanted to share a little bit about what we talked about today. So I talked a little bit about this distraction that I’m feeling. and it’s starting to go back with the same issues I’ve had in my childhood like….. I don’t want to be wrong and I don’t want to make a mistake. I am so this is something that’s really really strong in my beliefs system.
I feel like we all want peace happiness and love in our lives. And because I was a child that knew how to get love and acceptance from other people by manipulating the way that I was to fuel my own acceptance from others….. I never had to really dig deep and find out who I truly am. And so next week I’m going to be doing an episode all about finding our truest self. And I’m going to be really thinking about that this week because how do we really know who we are? And maybe that’s what this whole journey is on earth is finding out who we are.
Without this identity of being able to manipulate people to like me…. For example I knew exactly what I had to do and be…. for my dad to accept me, to love me and not be upset at me. Also with my kids…. I know exactly what to do say and be to get a lot of love and affection for my children. I do this with friends and family members to. I get my cues from other people and I act the way they want me to act so that I can get the approval, love and attention that I want. And I’m realizing that I don’t have any other skills to go with right now. And so I default back to those things whenever I’m in a mood that’s down. when I am down ……I am looking for other people to lift me up. And so sometimes being sad and even crying can get those needs met for me. Ahhhh.
So I’m trying to be really aware of the things that I’m feeling and what I’m putting into it but as of right now I wanted to share that I’m really distracted.. I need to work on being more present in my life. I have been talking about this the last couple of weeks and I’m still not getting it so I’m going to be continuing to talk about this until I figure it out. If it’s some thing that I’m struggling with and I’m sure it’s something that other people struggle with too. I mean we all know that another way of distracting ourselves from feeling is eating too. Even though I have the desire to eat when I’m feeling in a down mood…. It’s not quite as satisfying to me when I over eat as it used to be because I know the truth ha ha!
A couple of suggestions that my mentor told me to do is…. Well first of all …. She asked me if I was getting any exercise? And I was like no I’m not doing anything. She asked me what kind of exercise I like to do. And I don’t really like a lot of exercise but I do like to dance. I like Zumba. I’m not a great dancer but I enjoy it and it’s fun and it makes me happy when I do it. And so she challenged me with turning on a song in the morning and dancing and then see how I feel. She also said that exercising is more than a means to losing weight. It actually has a lot of mental health benefits. It’s really simply celebrating your body and what your body can do it and it up your frequency so that something I could try.
Another thing she said to do is to simply go outside and look up at the sky. Get in the sun get some vitamin D. When you’re walking around make sure that you notice your five senses… What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you taste? What is the other sense? I can’t think of it right now but I will look it up later. Ha ha or you can comment at the bottom and let me know what the fifth sense is.
So I’m going to do a couple of these things see what I notice and one thing I need to really work on is being willing to suspend judgment for myself. I know that I am choosing to be in the state of mind and I am aware that I can make a different choice but for some reason I want to stay stuck in this. So it must be serving some kind of a purpose. But also as I am listening to myself speak I am having an answer come through to me that maybe I’m just distracting myself and I’m not allowing myself to be able to feel anything or learn anything. That because I am distracting myself I am not able to learn what I need to learn yet. So first I need to notice. Second be willing to suspend judgment. And third is to choose to receive and allow myself to receive.
Ahhhhh. OK I’m breathing through this and I’m going to be working on all that as I go throughout my week. this week I really want to learn how to be more present I want to have better thoughts. Instead of having the thought what’s wrong with me I want to have the thought that I am capable. I am capable of having positive thoughts. I’m capable of dancing to a song in the mornings because it’s fun. I’m capable of going on a walk and noticing my five senses. I’m capable of making a peanut butter and jelly for my kids at dinner and being OK with that. I’m capable of making a nice fancy dinner if I want and I’m capable of realizing that I have the power in my thoughts and words.
I’m really really just struggling with that. And like I said earlier…. this journey is all about… full on honesty… and openness each week about what I’m going through and experiencing. I know what I’m going through right now…. maybe in two or three weeks down the road when I figure it out. I can look back and say ooohhhh…. I can see what was going on there. And that’s what this is all about. It’s about Unpacking all the things that I don’t want to look at and all the things that I’m trying to distract myself from. Because I don’t wanna feel something. it’s really a practice and learning how to put practice into place.
I wanted to share this little series that I did on Instagram. (It is a six part series). Click on link to watch the short videos.
Three things I wish I knew in my 20s. I added the small Videos if you’d like to watch them 🙂
Part one:
1-You are so much more than the size of your body.
2-If you try to strive for for function you will fail every time.
3-You don’t have to do anything to earn worthiness you were simply born with it.
Part two:
1- People pleasing it’s not love it’s actually lies.
2- No matter how many people love you…. it will never be enough if you don’t love yourself.
3-If you find yourself saying a lot of ”shoulds”. For example… I should do this and I should do that. Just remember that someone in your life taught you those “shoulds”. So whenever you hear yourself saying the word “should” do some discovery and find out who taught you that should. And is it serving you? And is it motivated by fear or love? And remind yourself you will never find peace by doing more.
Part three:
1- Shame cannot exist with love so when you’re feeling moments of shame ask yourself this question, “ can I love myself through this?“
2- Anything that challenges are worth is a lie.
3- I am not responsible for anyone else’s feelings.
Part four:
1- Meditation and visualization can change your life.
2- Never stop being creative.
3- Do some research on how you determine your worth and Learn how to give yourself your own approval.
Part five:
1- Fear based thoughts are lies and they are actually exactly opposite of the truth.
2- Learn how to feel your feelings without stuffing them down with food, shopping, social media, or whatever you use to distract yourself.
3- Give yourself permission to trust yourself because the answers are inside of you
Part six:
1- When you come to a moment where you want to hide from your life… it’s a clue that there is something more to look at.
2- Stop doing things that are keeping you from working on your self worth.
3- When I am wanting to know the truth… I go to one place… and that is my soul.
Have a great week. Don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Leave a comment and let me know what you thought about this episode.